Open wounds
I had a dream tonight, and for once it wasn’t as negative as the others, I was talking to some friends about Marco and his fantastic kisses, when Jonas enters the room and sits down besides me to listen to our chatter. I could feel the chemistry between us and he had a friendly face. When I woke up, he wasn’t the immediate thing I thought about, still, after only 6 hours of sleep I couldn’t go back to sleep because of the intense feeling in my stomach..
Yesterday, sitting at the hairdresser I realized a lot of things. It’s like I’m an open wound right now, every thought of loss makes me start to cry, I had to bite my lip several times not to start at the salong. This heartache is not only because of him… Nor any other guy that have broken it before. It’s grieving over loss, grieving over missing that I haven’t been able to feel before. And it’s grieving over the more feelings of those to come. I miss my friends and family. And I know of the even harder times to come when I will see even lesser of them. And there’s a lot of goodbuys coming up soon, also those of Malmö. And every good buy is a loss for the heart. A heartache that also needs to be taken care of. Wherefor being an open wound right now allows me to grieve for all losses. A not so very fun fase to go through but probably oh, so necessary. So he had a purpose he also, maybe I can let him go soon…