Living in the present
Sometimes I feel like I’m nagging the same issues over and over and over. It’s just boring. Because my big central issues are still the same, you know, home, work, boyfriend(s) all that really important shit that I still feel confused about. And even though I get new ideas and I can sense a small clarity once in a while. I’m still here, still confused. And writing it down here just bores me. But my life is not boring (or is it?) Well I mean it could be better if I just could sort out my confusion a little bit..
I’ve been thinking the last year about living in the present.. The absolute present.. like here and now. And there has been a lot of emotions coming out of that thought. Most of them included some kind of stress. And absolutely when I stop and think, have I been doing what I really wanted today? Because the times I usually think that thought the answer is almost always “no” And the times I don’t think about living in the present and just live in the present are the times I live the most. And it’s not a very boring life I live. I live and I learn and I live a little more and I learn a little more. Sometimes I live by having fun, sometimes by crying, sometimes by having smart conversations (with someone or just with myself) sometimes by experiencing intimacy (I wish I had a little bit more of those time theese times)
So what am I thinking now? you think. I’m thinking that maybe if I started to live a little bit more in the present (planning for the future and remembering the past can be nice things to do in the present as well) and stopped thinking about it (because that’s one thing I’m afraid of since it always brings about the stress) Maybe I wouldn’t have all that stress and maybe I could enjoy the present a little more and maybe I wouldn’t be all that confused about what I’m doing with my life.